Monday, January 26, 2009

Yellow Teeth, Fuzzy Beards and Photographers With Hearing Loss

This blog is about an excessively overdone cliché that needs to be stopped before I become nauseated in the magazine aisle. I’d like to pose the following questions about metal heads and guitar players:

Why do they always look like you’ve stubbed all ten toes simultaneously?

Why are they so angwy and mean and scawee wookin ? Do they realize that we can’t here them screaming on the cover of a magazine? If you know someone who does this, please inform them that it’s a photo, and it can not reproduce sound.

Apparently, somewhere in the 80s it became an unspoken requirement for the so-called Metal God/Godess to look like the bastard child of a pissed off Barbarian and a drunken Hell’s Angel. But are they really yelling and flexing in the face of the innocent and undeserving photographer? Maybe they’re just pretending, and maybe they’re actually nice and polite gentlemen who are forced to grow massive amounts of facial and body hair and are unwillingly required to bear their fangs like a grizzly in attack mode.

Either way, I can’t decide which scenario is more lame. Them screaming at the photo shoot, or them pretending to scream at the photo shoot. I hope one day we can return to more mature band photos... like tight clothes and bushy Afros.

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